Here's Why I'm Painting My Bedroom Even Though I Love The Current Color.
Sometimes the decision to paint is more emotional than practical.
Tuesday.
Last year I painted my bedroom a rich, luscious color called Field Trip. I did it because I think everyone should paint their home after they move into it, regardless of whether it’s a rental or not. I wanted a color that was dark, sexy, and moody. I’d done the pink bedroom thing before and I loved the softness of it, but I wanted a new vibe to add to my portfolio. So I went with a beautiful dark-hued green.
I’m currently in the process of repainting my bedroom, even though it’s only been around a year since I did that the last time. There’s are some real, practical reasons I’m doing so as well as a really strong conceptual one.
Let’s start with the practical. I did a year-long collaboration with the paint company Clare last year. And part of the contract was doing a paint project every quarter and documenting it. So I painted this bedroom dark green last year as part of that and I was on a deadline for doing so - companies need to schedule out content so I needed to get it done within a certain time frame.
Unfortunately, the deadline fell within a very wet winter in LA. It just would not stop raining. And my primary bedroom here seems to have some sort of moisture issue - I’m guessing there’s pooling water or dampness under the house that seeps up through the old-style lath and plaster walls. Sometimes on particularly wet winter days, there is condensation on the walls. I didn’t really notice this until I attempted to paint during a wet spell.
Clare paint is incredibly high quality. It is low-VOC (better for health and the environment) and a lot more viscous than normal paint. So while it may seem a little pricey, you need a lot less of it to cover your walls because each gallon goes further. Typical paint you’d need 3-4 coats, Clare you can normally get away with 1-2 coats depending on how different the color is that what’s underneath. So in no way does what happened have to do with the paint. I was happy to do my collaboration with Clare because their paints are really good and I like that it’s a small company led by a Black woman.
When I painted in 2023, moisture came through the walls and caused the paint to streak. This would have likely been a lot worse with another lower quality paint. But because of the deadline to get the room styled and shot, I didn’t have enough time to fix the paint before installing the furniture, art, etc. Finally, the room was painted by a former assistant who is AMAZING in all ways except not great at detail work (ie he’s a bit messy and can’t paint a straight line). So the details were a little sloppy.
In 2023, because my kitchen project ended up taking over the latter portion of the the year, I ended up falling behind on my final project for Clare. They were really understanding of what was going on but have been waiting for me to finish out my contract ever since. To their credit, they paid me already for this work so I’ve kind of been putting it off - when you are scrambling to get by you work on projects that will make you future money first. But it’s been weighing on me and I wanted to get a final project done for them so I finally got around to painting this week.
The streaky walls in the bedroom always kind of bugged me because I am a perfectionist. The paint job in the rest of both my homes was done by me and is, essentially, perfect because I take my time and sweat the details. I have painted about five thousand square feet in the past few years and I’m not gonna lie, I’m a little sick of painting. But the streaks on the walls in my bedroom, combined with the fact I had one more project left for Clare, combined with the slightly sloppy paint job, combined with the fact I got new furniture that was lighter and beachier than my old furniture, just kinda meant it was time to paint the bedroom over again.
As an interior design content creator, I’m often looking for the biggest transformation in a before/after. For example, I painted my cabin dark blue because I wanted the contrast between the before and after to be extreme. As design content consumers, we often don’t realize we crave drama. So a content producer like me is going to want to make the most drama, the highest contrast.
However, with this makeover one of my main concerns was spending as little of my own money as possible. So I went from green to… Another green. I did this because I already had green window treatments I couldn’t afford to (nor did I want to) replace. I also loved having a green bedroom. I didn’t want that to change because I haven’t explored greens that much in my design work.
I ended up going with All The Sage by Clare. I absolutely love it. And this brings me to the conceptual reason for changing the paint color - I really just wanted to lighten things up. All The Sage is a lighter, more luminous version of the color I had in there before. And I chose it for purely emotional reasons. This year I’m all about seeking the light, trying to be a better light for other people, and literally trying to lighten up about everything from work and money to sex and relationships. So a light, bright color felt in order.
Wednesday.
I’ve spent the past few days painting the bedroom and I am loving the new color. I finally finished last night and started putting the room back together. As I said before, I am trying to spend the least I can on this because I’m still really broke (I will be until summer probably, when my Airbnb picks up). So it kind of gave me a stomach ache when I put up the old, gorgeous emerald drapes and the color just didn’t work in the room. I kind of knew the color wasn’t going to work, but was hoping I could force it.
I described the feeling to a friend as, “Have you ever put together a recipe then it’s done and you’re like ‘Wait, I don’t like this flavor’?” That’s kind of how I feel about the room. I like everything in it but the drapes aren’t going well with the light, etherial wall color so I am trying to figure out what to do. This is where my job as a designer, stylist, and content producer collides with my own personal interests. If this room were just for me, I’d suck it up and just deal with the fact that I don’t like the color of the old drapes with the new, brighter wall color. But I am going to photograph this and send it out into the world, so I want it to be reflective of my taste and talent.
At this point, I have $500 in my bank account, I haven’t paid my mortgage yet this month, and spending any money on this makeover seems stupid (I also have to save gas money to drive up to my cabin next week to shoot the kitchen). So going to Ikea to buy drapery and a frame I need to frame a print I have from my Society6 Shop sounds like a stupid idea. But also maybe necessary for doing a good job and attracting more work. There may be some stylist trick I can do, like getting yardage at a fabric store and hanging it drapery style. But I definitely plan on swapping out that emerald green somehow.
This is the backend of sponsored content. Sometimes you work with a brand that pays you to produce content. Sometimes you reach out to a brand with a makeover idea. This makeover started because I needed one more paint project to complete my Clare partnership. So I found a furniture sponsor willing to send furniture as a trade for images and video and social media posts. Each brand gets a lot out of it. Images, video, and social media posts that act as ads. And I get a new space. But I’m also on the line for making everything look good, which often means spending money.
I don’t know why I’m telling you all this, aside from the fact I find the contrast between a light airy makeover and a person struggling financially to pull it off interesting. I was chatting with a best friend who lives in New York yesterday. We hadn’t chatted in weeks because, honestly, I'd either been too busy or too depressed to chat every time she called. It was her impression, based on keeping up with me via this newsletter, that I was fine.
I’m really not fine. And I probably won’t be until things even out this summer and I am no longer insolvent. I have a few new sponsored projects on the docket and a show that’s coming out in about a month so I think things will be okay. But I don’t really know that. And I find sometimes when I talk to people about the things I’m struggling with I almost feel like I have to make them feel better about it, which ends up being more labor for me and makes it feel worse for me.
All of us have to tow a line when we represent ourselves to the world, especially if we’re in a rough patch. We want to be honest but not dump our problems on other people. I spent about fifteen days straight in a state of dread about paying my rent and mortgage. And the day I finally scraped the money together to pay the rent (the mortgage is still a scary thing for another day), I felt such a huge sense of relief it made realize how heavy the burden had felt.
I really want to give up. But I don’t know what that looks like. If I give up the rental house I have in LA, which I got at a rock bottom price and spent $20,000+ fixing up to shoot in, where would I move (with a pit bull) where I could still shoot? How much would moving cost? And how much would it cost to get the new, cheaper, uglier place shoot ready? If I sell my cabin and the next year find out it’s the most profitable Airbnb in the area, which is likely because it’s the nicest, I’d be pissed. So weirdly it feels like giving up either of these huge expenses isn’t an option. So I’m still stuck in purgatory until summer. It is what it is.
Which makes it all the weirder to be painting the bedroom in a house I constantly worry about being evicted from. It feels a little stupid, but it’s also my job. Which gets me back to my original point about why I chose the lighter, brighter color in the first place. I’ve spent the last few years overthinking everything and wondering what I can do better. And this year I’m trying to do the opposite, starting more with the physical (ie getting back in shape) and hoping the mental follows. I’m painting the bedroom a lighter color because I am trying to have a lighter outlook this year. The color is symbolic, and also just really pretty to look at in person.
Yes, doing a makeover on a bedroom I may be evicted from sounds dumb. But also yes, it’s a hopeful thing to do (also, I have to to meet my professional obligations). And now that the room is painted and getting closer to completion, I’m remembering why I do what I do. Creating beautiful spaces is a way of showing care to yourself and everyone who enters that space. And I love doing it (though I’m over the labor part, which is a story for another day).
So, I’m not okay. But I am hopeful that I will be. And brightening up this little bedroom is hopefully going to be a step in the right direction.
Orlando I am sorry that you have been having a turbulent past few years. I know there is not much I can do to help other than pay for my subscription to your substack, so that is what I do :)
Also, if it makes you feel any better, the old Clare Field Trip green you had before was the exact shade of green I was looking for my home office! I have been searching for just the right shade of olive / dark green and this seems to fit the bill. I am going to order a sample. If it ends up being the shade I choose to paint the entire room, I will send you a picture. I am a big fan of yours and when I read your content, I feel like I know you. It sounds creepy, but believe me, it is not. You do a good job of conveying your feelings and emotions here, so it helps us understand you. Thanks! August (from Hoboken, NJ)
I went through a phase a few years ago - a beige phase. I was low, low, low and not doing well mentally.
I'm baaaack now, baby and my life is full of splooshes of colour! Yaay!
Orlando, you ARE OKAY.
You are experiencing not feeling okay about your life at the moment.
It's like saying "I'm hungry" when we're experiencing hunger.
We are not hunger - we're experiencing hunger, right?
"I'm tired" vs I'm feeling tired.
"I'm scared" vs I'm feeling tired now.
Feel the feels, but don't allow them to become your being.
With love,
Rusty 🥰