Thank you for sharing your experience! Access to mental health treatment is definitely a major common issue. Often, universities and training programs will have very cheap therapy conducted by trainees. I had two therapy clients (weekly sessions were free but some people decided to charge $10-20 a session) that I kept for 2 years when I was in training. If people went on the have private practices, they often would “grandfather” in their therapy clients for a sliding scale cost after training. Hope this is helpful!
Thank you for sharing Orlando. I stopped therapy when the pandemic began and never went back. Part of me misses it but I don’t think I can go back to in person sessions. I always got super nervous before sessions, like butterflies. I think it was (1) fear of what might get cracked open and (2) being a shy-ish introvert was difficult in that scenario.
I never solved anything and still have much to work out but I did get a lot of answers and information. My bag of fun is a childhood trauma, anxiety & panic disorder, and eating disorder recovery. Between the pandemic and our political environment it’s been A LOT.
A lot of therapists offer virtual sessions now - and they may well be covered by insurance. Psychology Today has a therapist finder and you can search for people in your area who will do virtual therapy! (not an ad)
As a therapist, now retired, I agree that it can be a mixed bag with finding the right therapist and it may take some time to get something out of the therapy. I was fortunate enough to work with clients long term and I know that it can take awhile to build trust, get someone's story, identify patterns and to sync with someone. That being said, if you have a sense that the person is not the right fit, it makes sense to listen to your gut and try someone else. One more thing I want to say is that the very first semester of graduate school (clinical social work) way back in 1979, we read a study that compared the effectiveness of different therapeutic modalities. The upshot of the study was that the particular type of treatment had no bearing on therapeutic outcome. The SINGLE most important variable in positive outcome was the quality of the relationship between the therapist and the client. That made such an impression on me and as you can see, I remember it to this day.
I started therapy about 18 months ago. For what it’s worth, it took several months of regularly showing up for therapy (often dreading it or thinking it was a waste of time) before I realized I’d stumbled into some pretty big breakthroughs. I have processed some truths about my family and myself that have pretty fundamentally changed my life. I know it sucks to hear the advice “just be patient,” but in my experience, therapy can require a certain level of patience. Sending you lots of love and grace as you share hard things. You’re doing a great job!
Some workplaces offer Employee Assistance Programs, which let you see a therapist a couple times a year at little or no cost. In my experience this is a service that’s geared more toward helping people through a crisis vs. on-going therapy.
This is a bit out there, but I found a lot of comfort in a Reddit community that focused on a very specific kind of trauma. The mods shared great recommended reading lists. Members would ask questions (has anyone felt like this too?) and also chime in with ideas, advice or just support. I learned a ton and felt so much compassion from people who had been in similar situations.
Couselling (as we tend to refer to therapy in Australia) literally saved my life.
After decades in a coercive control and physically abusive relationship, I felt hunted, all day and night, every day and night. I wasn't living. Only, barely, surviving.
I'd stockpiled medications and had 'it' mapped out. The antithesis of the 'me' everyone thought they knew - strong, intelligent, successful, blah, blah.
I started counselling through a group linked to a health issue I have after the facilitators of the group I was in said they'd like to refer me. My response? "Yes, but please don't give me someone that'll pat my hand and say 'there, there'. I need someone to light the rocket up my arse!"
My counsellor is amazing!
We've only met face-to-face twice, because I started in Jan 2020 and... pandemic. The rest has been over the phone. I've remained over the phone, since I'm a very visual person and I worked out that without all the distractions of the room, what she's wearing, the decor, physical distractions, etc., I get a lot more out of it. I focus on what's going on, and how it's going on, in my mind.
I've discovered a bunch of 'tools' for my self-reflection, that enable me to not be caught upin the washing machine of my life, but to stand back a bit and be present with some objectivity.
This is vital, since I've spent decades in my amygdala (the fight or flight, hypervigilant part of the brain that kept us safe back when we were cave people).
I'm doing well. I can see outside of the machine of my existence and no longer have insurmountable hurdles in my way. I can now ask for help and not cave in and cancel just before the help arrives.
There is progress. I have CPTSD - C=complex, due to the decades-long nature of my abuse, vs a one-off terrible event.
I'm so very fortunate that I am supported by the organisation related to my health issue. Otherwise I would not be able to afford it, since one of my main current issues is lack of money.
I will say, though, that counselling is available free of charge in Australia, through a number of not-for-profit agencies for domestic abuse. I'm grateful every day, to live in "The Lucky Country".
It's far, far from perfect, but we're lucky to call Australia home.
Thanks for sharing, Orlando. I've gone to therapy for over three years, with some varying degrees of success. After a year with one, I spoke to an acquaintance I admired who is a therapist, and she confirmed I should have felt like it was helping a lot more than it was by that point. Not having anything to compare it to, it was so hard to know - as well as the loyalty, which I absolutely feel as well! I saw someone else who was more helpful, for a little over a year, and it came crashing down spectacularly at that point. I realize that doesn't sound very helpful or like an encouragement to do it, but there are things I learned from both counselors, as well as what I wanted and didn't want in a future therapist. More than a year later I finally tried again, looking for someone who practiced a particular modality, and we are a much, much better fit than either of the other two. What I've learned from all of this is that it does take time to work through things, probably several months to make a big difference, but that if you don't see a difference by that point you SHOULD think about if it's the right fit. My husband was always skeptical about it and he was right - I should have been much faster to change something with those first two. I hate to think of the money spent when I was just desperate to get better. But I'm very thankful to have the relationship I do with my current therapist now.
(I’ve been in need of one for AGES, and talking about it forEver, and feel encouraged to try to make it through what feels like a slog, to find someone that “fits”...)
2. Happy Birthday! 🥂
(our birthdays are very close! ✨🤩😌🦀🥳)
And lastly... you wrote several of your friends “dropped their spacesuits” prematurely...
I am so sorry.
I hope the pain lessens each day, however minutely...
(also... Jezus... ‘several’ is not a small number, by any means)
feeling so much of this, orlando. glad it’s been amostly positive experience. i literally just completed the forms for octave, which only takes aetna as far as i can tell, and is otherwise up to $200 a session. why did i bother when i know i don’t have aetna and now have to see how much out of coverage will cost me?! i’m tired.
I've engaged in cognitive therapy at different points in my life, and have also used other self-care modalities to stay balanced with various levels of success and don't regret any of it. I agree with the therapist above that having a strong positive relationship with your provider, no matter the process, is vital to healing. Your massage therapist should be listening and not talking and encouraging you to drift, your acupuncture sessions should leave you feeling better, your therapy sessions should give you some relief, your spiritual practices should bring you a sense of peace. There's a great doc called Stutz on Netflix about the therapy process that detaila some great tools to anchor yourself in any process or any moment when you feel stuck or overwhelmed. Having tools that work for you creates a feeling of self empowerment. I would also say it helps to have a goal in mind, like you would with work or exercise and that's the bar I encourage clients to use. 3 sessions is a fair trial in terms of figuring out, is this my person to work with? Then the investment in having a advocate to help you in your process doesn't seem like an indulgence. See Stutz for an insight about friends vs therapists. Anxiety is real and finding those tools or processes that help you manage it are worth the effort. You are worth the effort!
I've been through therapy myself, decades ago. Yeah, I'm old. It was face-to-face, in my therapist's office. Our first few sessions went exactly as you describe, with me mostly telling her about my background and history. You have to remember, it took you an entire lifetime to get into this shape. You're not going to get a quick resolution. I was in therapy for about a year, but some people stay in for multiple years. As long as you feel comfortable with the therapist, stick with it and him, understanding that he needs time to get to know you. Never was the old adage, "Rome wasn't built in a day," more appropriate than when applied to therapy. Maybe learning to be patient with the process will be an unexpected result of this. Best of luck to you.
Thank you for sharing your experience! Access to mental health treatment is definitely a major common issue. Often, universities and training programs will have very cheap therapy conducted by trainees. I had two therapy clients (weekly sessions were free but some people decided to charge $10-20 a session) that I kept for 2 years when I was in training. If people went on the have private practices, they often would “grandfather” in their therapy clients for a sliding scale cost after training. Hope this is helpful!
Thank you for sharing Orlando. I stopped therapy when the pandemic began and never went back. Part of me misses it but I don’t think I can go back to in person sessions. I always got super nervous before sessions, like butterflies. I think it was (1) fear of what might get cracked open and (2) being a shy-ish introvert was difficult in that scenario.
I never solved anything and still have much to work out but I did get a lot of answers and information. My bag of fun is a childhood trauma, anxiety & panic disorder, and eating disorder recovery. Between the pandemic and our political environment it’s been A LOT.
A lot of therapists offer virtual sessions now - and they may well be covered by insurance. Psychology Today has a therapist finder and you can search for people in your area who will do virtual therapy! (not an ad)
Thank you!
As a therapist, now retired, I agree that it can be a mixed bag with finding the right therapist and it may take some time to get something out of the therapy. I was fortunate enough to work with clients long term and I know that it can take awhile to build trust, get someone's story, identify patterns and to sync with someone. That being said, if you have a sense that the person is not the right fit, it makes sense to listen to your gut and try someone else. One more thing I want to say is that the very first semester of graduate school (clinical social work) way back in 1979, we read a study that compared the effectiveness of different therapeutic modalities. The upshot of the study was that the particular type of treatment had no bearing on therapeutic outcome. The SINGLE most important variable in positive outcome was the quality of the relationship between the therapist and the client. That made such an impression on me and as you can see, I remember it to this day.
I started therapy about 18 months ago. For what it’s worth, it took several months of regularly showing up for therapy (often dreading it or thinking it was a waste of time) before I realized I’d stumbled into some pretty big breakthroughs. I have processed some truths about my family and myself that have pretty fundamentally changed my life. I know it sucks to hear the advice “just be patient,” but in my experience, therapy can require a certain level of patience. Sending you lots of love and grace as you share hard things. You’re doing a great job!
Some workplaces offer Employee Assistance Programs, which let you see a therapist a couple times a year at little or no cost. In my experience this is a service that’s geared more toward helping people through a crisis vs. on-going therapy.
This is a bit out there, but I found a lot of comfort in a Reddit community that focused on a very specific kind of trauma. The mods shared great recommended reading lists. Members would ask questions (has anyone felt like this too?) and also chime in with ideas, advice or just support. I learned a ton and felt so much compassion from people who had been in similar situations.
Couselling (as we tend to refer to therapy in Australia) literally saved my life.
After decades in a coercive control and physically abusive relationship, I felt hunted, all day and night, every day and night. I wasn't living. Only, barely, surviving.
I'd stockpiled medications and had 'it' mapped out. The antithesis of the 'me' everyone thought they knew - strong, intelligent, successful, blah, blah.
I started counselling through a group linked to a health issue I have after the facilitators of the group I was in said they'd like to refer me. My response? "Yes, but please don't give me someone that'll pat my hand and say 'there, there'. I need someone to light the rocket up my arse!"
My counsellor is amazing!
We've only met face-to-face twice, because I started in Jan 2020 and... pandemic. The rest has been over the phone. I've remained over the phone, since I'm a very visual person and I worked out that without all the distractions of the room, what she's wearing, the decor, physical distractions, etc., I get a lot more out of it. I focus on what's going on, and how it's going on, in my mind.
I've discovered a bunch of 'tools' for my self-reflection, that enable me to not be caught upin the washing machine of my life, but to stand back a bit and be present with some objectivity.
This is vital, since I've spent decades in my amygdala (the fight or flight, hypervigilant part of the brain that kept us safe back when we were cave people).
I'm doing well. I can see outside of the machine of my existence and no longer have insurmountable hurdles in my way. I can now ask for help and not cave in and cancel just before the help arrives.
There is progress. I have CPTSD - C=complex, due to the decades-long nature of my abuse, vs a one-off terrible event.
I'm so very fortunate that I am supported by the organisation related to my health issue. Otherwise I would not be able to afford it, since one of my main current issues is lack of money.
I will say, though, that counselling is available free of charge in Australia, through a number of not-for-profit agencies for domestic abuse. I'm grateful every day, to live in "The Lucky Country".
It's far, far from perfect, but we're lucky to call Australia home.
Thanks for sharing, Orlando. I've gone to therapy for over three years, with some varying degrees of success. After a year with one, I spoke to an acquaintance I admired who is a therapist, and she confirmed I should have felt like it was helping a lot more than it was by that point. Not having anything to compare it to, it was so hard to know - as well as the loyalty, which I absolutely feel as well! I saw someone else who was more helpful, for a little over a year, and it came crashing down spectacularly at that point. I realize that doesn't sound very helpful or like an encouragement to do it, but there are things I learned from both counselors, as well as what I wanted and didn't want in a future therapist. More than a year later I finally tried again, looking for someone who practiced a particular modality, and we are a much, much better fit than either of the other two. What I've learned from all of this is that it does take time to work through things, probably several months to make a big difference, but that if you don't see a difference by that point you SHOULD think about if it's the right fit. My husband was always skeptical about it and he was right - I should have been much faster to change something with those first two. I hate to think of the money spent when I was just desperate to get better. But I'm very thankful to have the relationship I do with my current therapist now.
1. Thank you for this post - definitely helpful!
(I’ve been in need of one for AGES, and talking about it forEver, and feel encouraged to try to make it through what feels like a slog, to find someone that “fits”...)
2. Happy Birthday! 🥂
(our birthdays are very close! ✨🤩😌🦀🥳)
And lastly... you wrote several of your friends “dropped their spacesuits” prematurely...
I am so sorry.
I hope the pain lessens each day, however minutely...
(also... Jezus... ‘several’ is not a small number, by any means)
feeling so much of this, orlando. glad it’s been amostly positive experience. i literally just completed the forms for octave, which only takes aetna as far as i can tell, and is otherwise up to $200 a session. why did i bother when i know i don’t have aetna and now have to see how much out of coverage will cost me?! i’m tired.
OMG!!! ... and ...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ORLANDO! 😘
I've engaged in cognitive therapy at different points in my life, and have also used other self-care modalities to stay balanced with various levels of success and don't regret any of it. I agree with the therapist above that having a strong positive relationship with your provider, no matter the process, is vital to healing. Your massage therapist should be listening and not talking and encouraging you to drift, your acupuncture sessions should leave you feeling better, your therapy sessions should give you some relief, your spiritual practices should bring you a sense of peace. There's a great doc called Stutz on Netflix about the therapy process that detaila some great tools to anchor yourself in any process or any moment when you feel stuck or overwhelmed. Having tools that work for you creates a feeling of self empowerment. I would also say it helps to have a goal in mind, like you would with work or exercise and that's the bar I encourage clients to use. 3 sessions is a fair trial in terms of figuring out, is this my person to work with? Then the investment in having a advocate to help you in your process doesn't seem like an indulgence. See Stutz for an insight about friends vs therapists. Anxiety is real and finding those tools or processes that help you manage it are worth the effort. You are worth the effort!
I've been through therapy myself, decades ago. Yeah, I'm old. It was face-to-face, in my therapist's office. Our first few sessions went exactly as you describe, with me mostly telling her about my background and history. You have to remember, it took you an entire lifetime to get into this shape. You're not going to get a quick resolution. I was in therapy for about a year, but some people stay in for multiple years. As long as you feel comfortable with the therapist, stick with it and him, understanding that he needs time to get to know you. Never was the old adage, "Rome wasn't built in a day," more appropriate than when applied to therapy. Maybe learning to be patient with the process will be an unexpected result of this. Best of luck to you.